it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
