things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
