this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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