I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
