My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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