HIV tests are more positive than that guy
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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