She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
