I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
