What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
