I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
