That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
