Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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