And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
