worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
