Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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