help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
