Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
