i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
