i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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