We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
