I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
