so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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