i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I know her cup size but not her name....
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