piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
All the doctor said was why
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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