I'm so fucking centered right now
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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