So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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