also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
