If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
