i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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