everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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