no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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