I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
