this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm really busy with my period
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