Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
