Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
