so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
