Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
This toilet bowl is my home.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
