Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Randomize
