i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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