Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
