i think my tv is drunk
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
