If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
