saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
