We need to rekindle our bromance
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
