you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
