mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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