When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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