I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
