PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
