I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
