My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
