Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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