He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
