remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
